One Teenager’s Testimony

I feel Marked for Life

Self-harming is another way of saying ‘I need help! I can’t cope! I want someone to give me attention!’

Self-harming however leaves you marked for life. When people self-harm they do it to relieve stress, anger and depression. When I started self-harming it started off as the odd scratch across my arms and my wrists. Sometimes if I didn’t want people to notice I’d scratch my legs. I started to harm myself because I wasn’t handling what was going on in my life. I’d be too frightened to talk to people, especially my family. I was scared that they would see right through me. So I started cutting myself; I’d sit there for an hour in my room. I would have a knife, a pair of scissors and a razor in front of me, wondering how deep, how big, or small, I should cut myself. It also depended on how much anger or stress I wanted to relieve. The first time I actually cut myself, yes, it hurt but I felt as if I’d released a lot of stress, but it wasn’t enough.

I wanted it all to go away, all the stress, anger everything, so that I could smile again. Nobody thought anything was going on so I carried on. It started once or twice a week and as time went by I began cutting myself everyday; and the cuts got bigger and deeper. I used to keep a knife or a pair of scissors by my bed and cut myself at night under my covers and that’s when I cried at night in my bed. I knew that no-one could see my face. It wasn’t until I had an argument at home and my mum grabbed my arm and I pulled away and the blood soaked through my top and that my family found out what I had been doing to myself.

The worse part was facing up to what I had done to myself and the hurt I had caused my family. So I decided to do something about it. I went to the doctor’s and he put me on antidepressants, but they just made me worse and I started again. It didn’t last long, I was referred to a counsellor and now I am slowly getting better, with the help of my friends, my family and my boyfriend.

I look back now and realise that I did it as a cry for help, and knowing that I would get the help, I stopped.

 

Advertisements
Quote | This entry was posted in Soul Meal - Bread of Life. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to One Teenager’s Testimony

  1. I’m so sorry that you have gone through this time when you feltt so alone in your life and so inspired to learn that you have moved forward. Just being able to share your ups and downs in this page will give others hope for their future when they feel unable to stop self harm.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s