Conflict – dealing with violence

Remember …It is a necessary part of growing up to think through and challenge a parent’s viewpoint.

This however does not mean that your teen is  rebelling against you personally.- indeed  they may eventually  come to the same conclusions you have.

Think back …are the values you hold dear now, the same ones you had when you were 14 or did they evolve as you grew older?

So your teen may challenge you and bring about conflict. This is normal.

However there is a difference between conflict and violence.

Conflict, disagreement and some anger are OK – but violence is not OK.

Remember what we have already learnt- Teens are still learning about what’s OK and what isn’t.

They might still be learning where the line is between conflict and violence 

But if a teenager is becoming violent – for example,

  • damaging property,
  • yelling or swearing excessively
  • making threats to harm something or someone

you need to set clear boundaries to show them that they have crossed the line and their behaviour isn’t acceptable.

If your teen is showing early signs of violent behaviour, it can help to:

  • give them a clear message that their behaviour is not OK
  • tell them that you won’t speak with them while they’re in that state
  • let them know that you’re willing to talk to them and work things out together when they have calmed down
  • let them know that that there will be consequences for their behaviour

Always make sure your own behaviour is respectful, and that you’re managing your own emotions and modelling self-control. 

Some children have been exposed to violence and may need professional help to change their own behaviour. These children will  feel vulnerable in conflict situations and may act adversely. This is extremely important to remember if you are looking after a child that has not been brought up by you –  or if you, or another member of your family have had difficulties with anger management.

If you find it hard to control your own anger or violence, you might also find professional help useful. Your GP can refer you for counselling or you can find online help. This is a very good article

Or why not contact  MASH on



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